Sleepover Safety
A guide to sleepover safety by CAPS social work students Jasper Brown and Megan Benjamin.
Sleepovers, slumber parties, popcorn parties, pyjama parties, whatever you want to call them, are significant occasions for kids. Something about staying up late, playing games, keeping each other's secrets, and having a good time together is exciting. Seriously though, why are they called sleepovers? Such a ridiculous name considering that nobody ever sleeps. It goes for you as well. So that people are aware of what they are getting themselves into, someone should rebrand them as "sleepless-overs."
Sleepovers are not only pizza and sugar fueled sleepless nights. They can actually be a crucial developmental stage for children, allowing them to learn independence, exercise adaptability, and experience other family traditions. A sleepover is a great opportunity for kids to learn about how another family functions and to practise independence in a safe setting. They give your child a chance to gain flexibility and allows them to practise etiquette while exploring social norms in novel settings. This results in increasing confidence, independence and autonomy.
As a family it is important to decide at what age your child is ready for a sleepover. Most recommendations are around 7-8 years old, however every child is unique, and it’s important to find out what works best for your family.
When your child is sleeping over at another house, it is important to have a conversation with the supervising adults of that house and for there to be a level of trust between both families. While it might be difficult to ask another parent or guardian on how they intend to ensure the safety of your child without appearing critical, this is an important component to establishing trust. Approaching parents or guardians with concerns or questions requires openness and vulnerability. However, not asking could have more severe consequences. As parents, we cannot determine the safety of a home or family based just on impressions. A shared understanding and set of expectations between parents helps prevent conflict and create a safer environment for your children.
It is also important to consider other variables such as;
How long have you known the family?
Have you been in the family’s home numerous times?
What is the family dynamic? Is there anyone in that household (adults or other kids) whose behaviour concerns you?
Are there any older children in the house?
Do the parents have similar values and parenting styles as you?
What are the household rules on using technology or screen time?
Who will be watching the kids?
How did the other parent respond to your questions? (i.e. defensive, argumentative, supportive etc)
Will there be any other adults in the house?
Have any household members been convicted of unsafe child practices? (i.e. registrable Sex offences, abuse, substance use, assault)
Do you know the suitability and rating of any films the children plan to watch?
Is this a small sleepover or a party?
Will there be a supervising adult who is not consuming alcohol/substances/becoming intoxicated?
It is also crucial to consider what you tell your child. Consider whether your child is old enough to communicate any concerns they may have about the idea of a sleepover, and confident enough to tell you if they're feeling uncomfortable while they are there. For example, is your child old enough to understand the difference between appropriate touching and inappropriate and do they understand body and personal safety rules. A useful resource for teaching your child safety is CAPS: five safety rules to teach your child before they start school.
In the interest of safety some families also prefer to do a trial run of an extended day stay before a sleepover, however it is important to note that these safety concerns can still apply during the day.
When considering your child’s safety, some important topics to consider are bodily safety, communication channels, any allergies/medical conditions, and an exit strategy if they wish to come home.
Sleepovers can be an important social part of your child’s social development as sleepovers allow bonding time with friends and can help build friendships and shared experiences. They may also allow your child to explore and develop some independence skills by taking responsibilities for tasks like packing. So as long as your family understands that some risks exist, and have strategies in place to mitigate this, they can be a great childhood experience.
